With all that is different between men and woman, there are some things that we have in common.  We both have many areas in life that we have to manage, cope with or enjoy, depending on the circumstance itself. 

We have our role as a family member, then a provider for ourself as we become our own person.  We have our social life with friends and co-workers  that we interact with and then there is our faith we identify with that requires a part of ourself ,that requires,again, interaction. Eventually we have a family that depends on us, whether we are male or female. This  keeps each of us so busy that sometimes we may think, "Stop the world, I want to get off, if only for a few minutes!"

If you are not a father yet, more than likely you will be at some point in time.  So this will apply to you as well.   I want you to know that the most important job you will ever have is the responsibility  of being a father.

The U.S. Census Bureau says the past four decades have  shown dramatic rises in the proportion of children living in single-parent homes.   In 2004, 68% of children lived  with two parents; 38% with one parent, and 4% with neither parent.   In 1960 it was 88%  with both parents, 9% with one parent and 3% with neither parent.    These are sobering numbers when we look at two decades of research on this subject.  Research shows that children who live absent their biological fathers are at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, and to experience emotional and behavioral problems.  These children are, many times, victims of child abuse and more susceptible to criminal behavior than children  who live with both parents.

If this is not scary to you, something is wrong!  Pressure, pressure!  Perhaps you are in a relationship that is almost more than you can handle, yet you read these words.  My advice is to think twice before you walk out if there are children involved.  Have you heard the phrase, "It's not about you!"  It's true!  There is more at stake after a child is born.  There is a little person that is depending on you to guide him.   The suns rises and sets in you as far as they are concerned. You can do no wrong and they believe every single word you say.  Think twice or more about ending that relationship.  Try everything you can do to work it out.   I know sometimes there seems to be no  solutions in relationships.  Try.   If it won't work, don't forget the child.

You may feel you have already blown it with your children.  You realize you have hurt them.  But's it not overyet, as long as they are breathing and you are breathing.  It's a fact that the child is not the only one growing, you are too.  You are learning as you go, just as they are.  More than anything else, your son or daughter needs to know that you love them.  They need to know that your love will always be there, that it is not conditional.   They need to know you will love them, even with piercings, with tattoos, with drugs, or with a child on the way. That does not mean you have to condone  activity they are into.  It means you will love them through it and get help if necessary.

 I suggest a book that has changed lives of fathers.  It is You Have What It Takes by John  Eldredge.  It is only 52 pages of very easy reading.  Also check out the website at www.fatherhood.org and order a "No Ifs band to wear for your children saying there are no ifs about it, you are going to be a good father.  Both of these resources are good helps to the most important job you will ever hold.  If you succeed in your role as father, you win.  You have what it takes. Go for it. The choice is yours.

 ***************************
"Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers - and fathering is a very important stage in their development." 
                                                                        ~David M. Gottesman~