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On Parenting
The Truth Of The Matter
 I recently read a statement in The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families by David Niven, PH.D. that could be the most terrifying of statements or one of the most exciting statements a parent could think about. Dr. Niven said:
"Children don't have many indicators of who they are and how they are doing that really matter to them. The biggest indicator they have is their family. A child's feelings about his or her family relationship do more to define that child's outlook and self-image than anything else. A family must show its unconditional acceptance to a child each and every day."
If that statement is not frightening to you, look around you, listen to how children are being disciplined. Parent against child, with children hating their parent it seems. It's easy to argue that children are out of control and they need harsh words from parents, etc. But this "out of control" child did not wake up one day out of control. It was a process involving both the parent and the child.
The sad truth is that children can not be taught how to grow up until the parents grow up. Unfortunately, parents don't know good parenting skills if they did not live under the guidance of good parents themselves. It is a vicious circle that continues until a parent sees or senses there must be changes, then seeks to make a difference for the better.
If a child grows up in a home with smokers, more than likely he will become a smoker. If a child grows up with alcohol abuse, there is a possibility it will be carried into the child's home. If the child grows up with racism, poor money management, lack of respect for others, cursing, untidiness, lack of moral discipline, the child will lean in that direction. If the child grows up feeling no matter how hard he tries, he can not please his parents, he will surely grow up with very low self esteem. He/she may spend the rest of their lives trying to get approval from someone, just anyone. Remember, we all need someone to believe in us.
I write this, not because I always made the right choices in parenting, but because I learned from the times I made poor choices. Hopefully, something I say will save a relationship with a child or make a happier home life for your family.
Parenting can be the most rewarding job you will ever do, much
greater than any career you ever have or title you can hold. Parenting means growing the next generation! We have a say in what type of people will live on this planet in years to come. We must take that serious. We can have fun doing it and we can be kind to those under our influence while doing it. These little people are lumps of clay. We determine, to a great extent, what they will become in their own eyes. Whether they approve of themselves or not will affect their life forever. Self acceptance is just that important.
Do you see what's in your hand? It's terrifying or exhilarating to see the power we have over another person, our child. Which is it to you?
Remember, your child did not asked to be born. Now that they are here, we owe them! Not for the rest of their life, but while they are under our influence and while they are deciding just who they are. Teach them they are a person of worth, in fact, one of a kind. Teach them you love them when they win AND when they loose. Teach them they can never do anything to stop your love for them. What a solid foundation this gives them! If they make unwise choices and most do, they have to suffer the consequences. It's important that they know you don't always approve of their actions, but nonetheless, they always have your love.
Yes, it is quite a challenge to be a parent, always has been, always will be! Do your part by seeking out mentors, good parenting books and good websites that aid in good parenting skills.
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"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
~Jane Howard~
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