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On Parenting
The Strong Willed Child
Do you every wonder what your child will be when he grows up? The child within
your influence has the power to become absolutely anything his heart desires. If you
have a strong willed child on your hands, that personality that makes you want to
scream at times, may be the very characteristic that will give him the determination
to fight against all odds. As parents, it's up to us to guide and mold, not break the will
of our children. It's important that this young tender "will" be focused in positive
directions rather than negative ones. It could be that this little person within the sound
of your voice has a noble calling such as finding a cure for cancer or President of the
United States. 
Discipline is of major importance with a head strong
child. When they want to do things their way, we marvel
that this child is so different than our compliant one.
This is definitely a testing ground for the parent. During
this time , it is important to provide consistent firm
and loving discipline. No matter how the child balks,
this firm parenting means security for the child. They
feel safe knowing there are boundaries on what he can
and cannot do. How easy it is to burst out in times
of frustration with young children, especially the
strong willed one. I dare to admit I've done this. That's why I believe it is important for
me to pass on what I've learned. With grown sons, I look back and realize how earth
shattering I made little things. Every situation was major to me. Now I know it's wise to
choose your battles. Stand your ground on things that truly matter, those core values you
want to instill as a parent. For example, catching a child in a lie is a prime time to stop
to explain how important it is to tell the truth, how people are known by the words they
speak. This can be taken further with punishment for failing to live by the family
standards. Make instructions clear as to what family standards are, but make
sure the consequences of misbehavior are just as clear. And always, always follow
through with what you say. Remember, you are teaching your child, "If Mom says
something, you can bank on it!" This is a part of truth telling.
On the other hand, if your child ignores something you have told him, rather than
fierce punishment, give the child options. This is an excellent time for a child to learn
choices have consequences. He will see that he is able to make good and bad ones. This
is a wonderful time in life for them to learn this prior to becoming a teenager.
Your child is just that, a child. But don't forget they are human beings too. They have a
need to be loved, appreciated and respected. You don't see much in print about a
child deserving respect, but this is a very important aspect of parenting. Do you correct
your child in front of others in a degrading way? All discipline should be done in love.
There are times parents step over the line when tired or agitated. When this happens,
it is important to say, "I'm sorry for my anger." A child learns a lot from hearing a
parent admit a wrong. This goes for adult children as well.
It is important to remember this strong willed child you are nurturing is tender underneath
the tough exterior. They not only need discipline and respect as a human being, they
need encouragement. It is easy to notice all the wrong things they do. Try
deliberately looking for things they do right. And then, compliment them heartily.
Let them know now proud you are to be their Mom. Statements such as this increase
their feelings of self worth and give them a good starting point for life. I had a saying
I used with my three sons. My oldest was my favorite oldest son; my middle son was
my favorite middle son and my youngest was my favorite youngest son. We often
laughed about it, but in their hearts they knew Mom meant it.
Parenting is laborious job that you have to stay on top of relentlessly. It is rewarding
beyond measure. It is also very sobering. If you have questions about parenting or feel that
you have issues that need attention, please seek help. There are books, counsellors, and
other avenues of help for concerned parents. The lives of our young ones are at stake.
Side note: I've found some Christmas ornaments to give my sons this year that carry on our teasing.
(See www.lakeside.com) They say, "First Born (Mom's favorite)"; "Middle child (Mom's favorite)"
and "Youngest child (Mom's favorite)". I will give the "First Born" ornament to my grandson as this will
be our first Christmas without my oldest son. (See My Little Boy, The Man.) How blessed we were to
have these three young men in our home.
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