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Up Close and Personal
The Anger Factor
Anxiety and fear has become commonplace in our society today, because of angry people everywhere we go. Anger is a basic human emotion that helps us say who we are and helps us communicate with others, so the emotion is not the problem. Its the way we handle it that causes major consequences.
I checked the web to see what I could find on the subject of anger. I found overwhelming proof that Americans, in general, are angry. Dr. Peter Wood. has written a book, A Bee In The Mouth~Anger in America Now. He says, Anger is now seen as a badge of authenticity, a medal to wear with honor rather than a character flaw to be controlled.
People are angry, whether it is at gas prices, the war, politics, husband and wife or parents and children. We can do nothing about the world as a whole. We can only control our self, but this is no small thing. If we can learn how this is done, we can have better relationships with our husband, our children, our employer, our neighbors and especially our self. We have to make the choice to get a grip on this emotion.
I found a website on anger that is loaded with information that I want to pass along. Ms. Lynne Namka, a psychologist in private practice in Tucson, Arizona, has anger information for grownups, kids, parents, couples and teachers. She gives clear advice on how to deal with the emotion of anger and is adamant that suppressing it is not a solution.
Of children Mrs. Namka says, Some angry children are internalizers--they take negative things inside and are secretly angry. They are not comfortable in letting others know how they feel."
Of parents, the psychologist says some of the worst things you can say to a child is:
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Shame on you for being afraid. You are a big boy.
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If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about.
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Cheer up. Put a smile on your face and get on with it.
Parents that handle anger with these statements acknowledge the feelings, but let the situation pass without problem solving.
When speaking of couples, Ms. Namka says, Anger, per se, does not destroy a relationship. It is how people
DO their anger that creates problems in couples. Happy families know how to settle disputes without leaving scars. Four behaviors that destroy a relationship/marriage are:
Criticism: blaming, finding fault.
Contempt: disgust, name-calling,cursing,and being hateful.
Defensiveness: turning the blame on your partner
Stonewalling: refusing to deal with the issue, walking away angry
We all have lost it at some point in time or have walked away when a thing should have been resolved. Either way can lead to feelings of inadequacy or low self esteem which makes us not like our self.
Visit www.angriesout.com to find ways of coming to grips with anger. If you have mastered this area of life, pass this along to someone that might benefit from all the information given on this site. It could have life changing results.
"If you are patient in one moment of anger,
you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
Chinese Proverb
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