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On Marriage
Points To Ponder
"The surest way to be fully loved is to love fully.
Charlie Shedd
We are either in a troubled marriage or we know of one or more. Divorce is high. Troubled children are dependent on drugs. Teen pregnancies abound. Rebellion is seen in small towns and large cities. Troubling music can be heard on almost any street corner. Homes are in a turmoil and spouses are frustrated with their relationship and problems in the family. As women, our influence in the home is a powerful thing. A solid marriage is a good starting point for rearing emotionally healthy children for future good marriages.The material presented here comes from years of indepth study on the subject of marriage. My favorite book on the subject is Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. Any material used from the book is with permission from the author and credit given when quoted. | |
Three ingredients are needed for a happy marriage.
- Love of husband: Sometime we stop doing those things that arouse his affection. We fail to give outward signs that we still care. This causes the husband to cool his affections, making the wife feel less loved and cherished. For happiness in marriage a woman must feel loved and cherished.
- Self Dignity: Harshness, neglect and critical words wound. Each spouse should respond in
ways to preserve each other's self dignity.
- Heart felt desires: We live once. Spouses are in a position to help each other reach for the desires of the heart.
Celestial love is the term Mrs. Andelin uses to described the kind of tender love a man feels for a woman, or a woman for a man. This is not a dutiful love, but a deep feeling within. If this has faded from marriage, there needs to be a rekindling. However, we must realize the only person we can change is ourself. That is where we start. With our change, in time, our husband will respond in a beautiful way.
Ladies, we need to give up five things that abound in many marriages:
- Resentments: A major wall builder between a man and wife. It causes lack of communication and destroys intimacy. Believe it or not, communication is more important to a man than sex. When a man feels he can discuss his troubles with a caring wife, he feels he has a safe place to go, a place where he will not be ridiculed, but will be understood and built up. It's amazing what happens when you give up points of conflict.
- Bitterness: Unforgiving spirit. Have you noticed that anger seems to be "in" these days. It can be found in the form of resentment, frustration, irritation and annoyance. These do more damage in marriages than anywhere else. Forgiveness begins with the willingness to see things different.
- Tension(stress): Let me share a few of the "101 Ways To Cope With Stress" that I found recently on a list published by a mental health clinic. (1) Say "no" more often. (2) Smile. (3) Develop your sense of humor. (4) Strive for excellence - NOT perfection. (5) Leave work early (with permission). (6) Buy yourself a flower. (7) Go on a picnic. (8) Freely praise other people. (9) Talk less and listen more. (10) Quit trying to "fix" people.
- Frustrations: This causes loss of self esteem and self confidence. We stay mad, that's not good.
- Worry: Worry does not change a thing, it just ages us! Worry is fear. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Be careful what you set your heart upon, for you will surely have it."
Yes, those five things are things that need tossing out the window. It takes hard work and determination. It takes patience with yourself. But guess what is gained!
- Tenderness: Is there anything better than tenderness in a sometimes harsh world? Another word for tenderness is kindness. Henry James once said, " Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind."
- Devotion: After being married 28 years President Woodrow Wilson wrote to his wife from the White House: "I adore you! No President but myself ever had exactly the right sort of wife! I can think of nothing while I write, but only you. My days are not so full of anxiety and a sense of deep responsibility as they are of you, who yet plays the leading part of my life."
Need I say more?
- Romantic Love: This type of love is not limited to the young and beautiful. Men think of beauty quite differently than women do. They look at woman's qualities that awaken true love within them.
- Improved Physical Health: Taking care of ourself makes us feel better about who we are. Eating right, exercising and attention to our health changes our feelings about life.
- Improved Mental Health: Good attitudes like love, kindness and cheerfulness harmonize with body functions and improves them. This is being proven through scientific studies.
- Healtheir Family Life: Happiness shows! It is true, a woman sets the atmosphere in the home. "If Mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"
Tips For Success:
- Have an open mind. These may be brand new teachings for you. But from experience, I can tell you they work. If you rate your marriage good, these teachings will help make it better.
- Be willing to try. Some women laugh at these suggestions, saying they are old fashion. Should it matter, if they work? There have been marriages saved from divorce by taking these very things to heart. You may have to venture outside your comfort zone to make the attempt to improve your marriage. It is worth it. It's worth being the one to give in, give up, go that extra mile. You win in the long run.
- Have patience. We get set in our ways. The easiest thing to do is keep on the same track. The rewarding and right thing to do is make changes when needed and to admit we might have room for improvement. Our place as a wife is not easy to fill, especially with odds against us and with the world adding its philosophy. It's a choice. Ours.
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