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On Parenting
A Message Worth Sending
 I recently came across an article in our local paper by a columnist that says, "Parents, unplug the ATM!" The article told of a Money Across Generations study that was conducted for Ameriprise Financial. The study made it clear that a large percentage of parents have a difficult time breaking ties with adult children especially in the financial realm. This is a serious fact that plagues many families. The sad fact is that the parent or parents doing this , feel they are "helping out" their adult children, when, in fact, they are making them dependent rather than independent.
The habit of giving to our children is a perfectly normal thing. We give them spending money, buy things we know they want and throw in surprises from time to time. When Christmas rolls around, we just can't give our precious children enough, unfortunately to the point of debt! (Please don't do that!)
The best thing we can do as a parent is to realize that growing up means responsibility. This is a cruel world. "Things" are sky high and I wonder sometimes how young couples survive. It's an innocent thing to help our struggling young people as they strive to start their own home. When a parent sees that the young couple is doing all they can to make ends meet, that is a sign of maturity. When you can see that they have taken on extra jobs or they are cutting the icing such as vacations, new cars, excessive entertainment avenues, that's a sign they are trying to help themselves. The problem comes when adult children buy houses they can not afford, drive gas guzzlers to impress, have expensive habits and then turn to parents for extra cash to make it to pay day, that the parents should do some soul searching.
The study mentioned above showed that two-thirds of baby boomer parents are helping adult children pay off college loans or tuition, more than half are contributing to the purchase of a new car and one-third help their adult children deal with living cost ranging from a home mortgage to utility payments. Is this type of help really helping? When should parents say, "no"?
 Money management is something that should be taught early in the home. My husband and I were not wise enough at the time our boys were young to know to do that. Fortunately, our children learned by seeing us work hard and live within our means. I am happy they learned that work is the way to obtain things, but things don't bring happiness.
Parents, start early. Give money to your children for little things they want. Reward them for chores or good grades. Teach them to save for times they may find something they really, really want. Teach them to plan. It's good to set an example of tithing to the church you attend, and of giving to missions to help others less fortunate. These are good habits to take into adult life.
As parents of adult children, we should be careful how we help them in financial situations. Are we enabling them to live the life style they wish to live, without their having to work for it? Sometimes we have to rethink choices we make. It may be hard to tell an adult child no, but it helps them face the reality of life. It may also help them to avoid bankruptcy in the future, if they learn now that their life is their responsibility.
Think about it! It's a message worth sending!
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