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On Marriage
Making Him Number One
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It's true. Our husband wants to be the kings around which all other activities of our life revolve. He doesn't want to be the background music. This desire is not necessarily a conscious one, but an inner need built into his makeup.
It surfaces harshly when not adequately met. Being placed into this inferior position can cause a man to form bitter resentments toward his wife and even his children. This in not a good thing!
| There is a tendency for women to overlook this overwhelming desire in a man, to feel needed. Even in early childhood, we have a tendency to think of our little house and our little babies we will have. Have you ever noticed how we women love to talk about our babies. Do we speak of our husbands in the same joyous tones? Think about this poem written by Nancy Hayes. I believe it is very appropriate here and is included in Mrs. Helen Andelin's book, Fascinating Womanhood. It may sound antiquated, but think again.
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 The Shiny Little House
I wish, how I wish, that I had a little house,
with a mat for the cat and a hole for the mouse,
and a clock going "tock" in the corner of the room,
and a kettle, and a cupboard, and a big birch broom.
To school in the morning the children off would run
and I'd give them a kiss and a penny and a bun.
But directly they had gone from this little house of mine,
I'd clap my hands and snatch a cloth and shine, shine,shine.
I'd shine all the knives, all the windows and the floors,
all the grates, all the plates, all the handles on the doors,
every fork, every spoon, every lid and every tin,
till everything was shining like a new bright pin.
At night by the fire, when the children were in bed,
I'd sit and I'd knit, with a cap upon my head,
and the kettles, and the saucepans, they would shine, shine, shine,
in this teeny little, cozy, little house of mine. |
I wish, how I wish, that I had a little house,
with a mat for the cat and a hole for the mouse,
and a clock going "tock" in the corner of the room,
and a kettle, and a cupboard, and a big birch broom
To school in the morning the children off would run
and I'd give them a kiss and a penny and a bun.
But directly they had gone from this little house of mine,
I'd clap my hands and snatch a cloth and shine, shine, shine.
I'd shine all the knives, all the windows and the floors,
all the grates, all the plates, all the handles on the doors,
every fork, every spoon, every lid and every tin,
till everything was shining like a new bright pin.
At night by the fire, when the children were in bed,
I'd sit and I'd knit, with a cap upon my head,
and the kettles, and the saucepans, they would shine, shine, shine,
in this teeny little, cozy, little house of mine.
The husband becomes only a means to this end. As we devote ourselves to the affairs of the household, our husband drops into the background. As life progresses, duties of family life increase, as do other demands and pressures. We also have other interest and we have a career, all of this pushing our man further into the background.There are a number of things we tend to place ahead of our husband.
Do we let our children push our husband aside? Children are a sacred responsibility. They need and require time and plenty of it. They have to be taught manners, honesty, kindness, compassion and love, aside from school activities and so much more. These are just a few of the things that the mother is primarily responsible for. But ask yourself, “Does my husband have to compete with the children for my time and attention?” One thing many wives do not understand according to Mrs. Andelin is that we should never put the comforts and whims of our children ahead of our husband’s basic needs. She says, “Children miss nothing when their father comes first, but rather feel more secure and happy.” Basic needs of our little ones is a given. But to give in to a child’s whims when our husband needs our attention is wrong. Too, this gives the child power that will surely be used again and again.
Another area we sometimes put ahead of our husbands is homemaking. We know the essentials, but it can be overdone. The house is made to serve the family, not the family serve the house. When the husband needs attention, give it! Remember the poem that says, "Cobwebs can wait."? It's true. A relationship is so much more important. It's important to remember the castle is not more important than the king that dwells therein. You may not have each other forever. We have no promise of time. If he wants you by his side at some point when you are climbing the walls for lack of time, put everything down and spend some time with him. This tells him he is the most important person in your life. Can you imagine how that changes the dynamics of a relationship?
Changing our way does not come easy. I say that from experience. We have to decide what our priorities are. It's a choice we make. Is your husband your prioriety? Think about it. When you first met, he was. What changed? |
"Most folk are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."
Abraham Lincoln
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