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On Marriage
Feelings and Facts
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In the first writing on marriage, Points To Ponder (#1), one of the ingredients listed for a happy marriage is love of husband. We may laugh and say love is situational. When our husband hands us the car keys with a sizable amount of money and says, “Go shopping, have a good time.”, it’s easy to feel love for that man. When dinner is cold and there has been no phone call saying why he’s late again, love stops cold in its tracts.
But can we call these feelings that are ever-changing love? If so, maybe that is the reason there is so much discontent and divorce. If love is equated with a feeling, it can come and go, and that is anything but stable ground to build a marriage on.
Two people in love who are committed to each other says, “No matter what, we are sticking together. Commitment in the dictionary says, “to give for safe keeping, for preservation.”
So many married people don’t feel they are in safe keeping. It is easier than ever for the “feeling” to fade. The next step is divorce court.
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So what is real love? For sure it is more than a shopping spree or new car. It goes to the very core of who we are. It says to our spouse, “You’re someone more special to me than me! I’d rather you be happy than me be happy. Yes ladies, real love for our husband is a selfless love.
Author Charlie Shed tells in his book, "Letters To Karen", about a young girl who wrote an essay about love and marriage. In it she wrote, “I think to make a marriage great, you have to treat each other like company a lot of the time and be polite and stuff like that.” Do we really treat our spouse like company? I am sure we did before marriage.
Now for the wonderful part! When we determine that regardless of circumstances, we will make our husband feel loved, needed and appreciated, it is our life that changes. By making them feel these things, they feel their worth as a husband. That’s what our husbands need from us. If we don’t make them feel loved, needed and appreciated, there are those out there that will be willing to do it for us.
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Have you taken the time recently to tell your spouse you want to have more time alone with him? Have you told him that you don’t ever want to think about life without him? Have you told him how you appreciate all he does to keep the family fed, clothed, the bills paid and a nice home to live in. I understand that most families are a two income family, but in the whole scope of things, the responsibility of the family still falls squarely on your husband’s shoulders. That’s a big responsibility, even when things are going well. He needs to hear that all the hours at work are appreciated. He needs to come home to a happy wife and a pleasant atmosphere. This along will make your husband long for the safe haven of “home”. You may find him home sooner in the day just to hear how much he is appreciated. No, this is not a dream world I am talking about. Men have dragons to fight off everyday in the form of competition, anger, antagonism, frustration, fears that they won’t talk about. We need to provide a safe place at the end of the day.
We know we, as women are complicated creatures with our emotional ups and downs. But let’s don’t over look the fact that our husband are complicated too. They just don’t talk about it like we do.
Next time we will talk about one of our husband’s biggest needs, admiration.
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