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On Marriage
Dreaming Big
Do you remember the news story several months ago that told of Howard Schultz, Starbucks Chairman, challenging his organization to get back to the basics? He sent a memo to his CEO that made the rounds on the internet. His said they had strayed from their original purpose. His complaint was that the company had lost its vision.
Andy Stanley, Dr. Charles Stanley's son, has a new book out, Making Vision Stick, that says vision has no adhesive. His main purpose is to address leadership in businesses and organizations, but his principles can be applied to marriage as well. This was my thought as I read this enlightening book. If you are in a leadership role over a company, an organization or a group of volunteers, consider this jewel of a book! With his book in mind, allow me to make a comparison to his ideas and personal family relationships in marriage and parenting. His thoughts work very well on a personal level as well. 
A couple starts out with dreams galore. But time itself has a way of distracting us, adding lots more balls to juggle and then children enter the equation. Life becomes more complicated. What seemed a great plan gets weighed down with responsibility and we loose that high flying dream in the process of just living. Mr. Stanley says, "Life is about deadlines and decisions and problem solving, not to mention the kids and the house and the bills and the yard. To get people to sit still long enough to understand your vision is hard enough. But to get them to actually organize their lives around it is supremely difficult. The urgent and the legitimate needs of today quickly erase our commitment to the what could be of tomorrow." He was speaking of leadership in the professional world. But do you see how this can also be true of your home life?
What were your ideas for your home life in the beginning? Did you set goals? Did you both have a vision of the good life for yourselves and your children to come? If so, think back and see how close you still are to achieving them or how far off course you have strayed.
Mr. Stanley listed five check points to consider in making your vision stick. Consider them in your personal life.
- "State the vision simply." Remind yourself of the kind of family you want to present to the world. What values do you stand for? How do you want to separate yourself from the influence of others?
Do your children think of your home as a "resting place" from the measuring stick the world presents? If you don't have a vision for your marriage or your family, remember you will be somewhere a year from now. Where? State your vision and stick to it!
- "Cast the vision convincingly." Let the shadow of who you are and what you believe hover over your spouse, your family in all that you do. Is complete honesty a part of your vision? Don't hesitate to always be so, no matter the consequences. Live it, live it!
- "Repeat the vision regularly." Remind each other, "This is what we believe. This is what is important in life! We will stick to it, come what may!"
- "Celebrate the vision systematically." Compliment each other for things done to keep love alive or your family's ethical codes alive. Life is short! Celebrate anything and everything! Celebrate your husband standing up for what he believes in! Celebrate your daughter refusing to give in to peer pressure. CELEBRATE!
- "Embrace the vision personally." Conviction goes a long way. If your spouse or your family sees you
taking the stance, "I will not be moved!", admiration will be the order of the day. They may be led to feel they can do it too! Take this seriously! Our world is dying for people who can't be swayed from the convictions they "say" they believe in.
Remember we are limited only by our own mind. Marriage is important! Family life is important. Don't you think it's time to stand up for the important things of life. Anyone can live by the moral code set by society. It takes no conviction, it takes no dream. Someone else dictates who you are and what your actions are.
You are influencing others for better or worse, especially the next generation! Think about it. Make a move. Stand for something! Have a vision!
"There is more to us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives we will be unwilling to settle for less."
Kurt Hahn
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