The little girl’s eyes lit up as Auntie asked, “Want a piece of gum, Lily?”

      Mother quickly spoke up, “No way!”  She has swallowed three pieces already!  I don’t know what I am going to do with you, Lily!”

       Then Dad chimed in harshly,  “Lily, haven’t I told you not to swallow your gum!  Why do you do that? You’ll stick your insides together!  No, she can’t have any more!”

       Lily lowered her  head and looked as if she was going to cry, not because of no more gum but because of not measuring up to their expectations.

         My husband and I, along with about 30 other people, had boarded a shuttle  to take us  to an Old Time festival outside of town.   We sat  people-watching as the young family sat down across from us.  As I heard the conversation, my mind went back to once upon a time when I took gum swallowing to be a life and death matter too.  How time had changed my perspective of things.

       My three sons grew out of the gum swallowing stage, on to bigger, sometimes not better, things.  Each stage became a little more serious.  We dealt with questionable choices of friends, strange choices of hair styles and daring attitudes.     Looking back, I can see better solutions to some of the struggles we went through.  I wonder sometimes why there is not a wisdom gland that grows along with the tummy when there is a  new little human being on the way.  Raising a child is demanding of time, energy, patience and the tried and true phrase “tough love”.  But there is no job more rewarding. 

       As I sat thinking back on my mothering years, I found myself wishing I could do the gum scene all over again.   If there is any message to be passed on from my experience of raising three little boys, it’s that our children can’t become what they need to be unless they are loved just as they are in the present.

       Fortunately  my sons made it through life with minor “battle” scars. Today they are young men we are proud of.   As for my enlightened view of life since  our gum swallowing episodes, it won’t be wasted.  Austin and Savannah, two little ones  in my life now, will be loved and disciplined by their parents. But they  will taste life on the lighter side from  Nana and Pops who have found a better way  the second time around.

       Diane Loomans has written a poem in her book, 100 Ways to Build Self Esteem and Teach Values,  that speaks of longings of  a parent’s heart.

If I had my child to raise again

I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.

I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off  the watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less, and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d build self-esteem first and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power,
and more about the power of love. 

That's Life Picalilli A Woman's Touch Gone With The Grits A Labor of Love Life With A Plan Making Life Spicy Old Anna Ode To Hope A Mississippi Morning

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