"Always kiss your children goodnight even if they're already asleep."
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

When a new baby becomes a part of our household, we are in charge of every aspect of that little life. We put them down to nap.  When we return to their room, they are still where we left them.  What they wear and what they eat is decisions we make.   But this is a temporary role.  Our role changes as they grow and learn.  Slowly but surely, responsibility is turned over to them, starting with very small, but very important decisions.   Little is taught on the proper care and "feeding" of parents.  How inadequate we can feel in this role.

Taking care of the physical needs of a new human being can be small when compared to the life building aspect  of teaching them how to be nice to others, how to share and how to make decisions.  It's in these more complicated roles that we can fall short as parents.  If we continue with full parental power    that we first exhibit in their lives as they grow older, a dominating, micro-managing or nagging parents is created, causing problems of the hardest kind.

James Lucas, author, speaker and executive director of The Relationship Development Center wrote a wonderful article on parenting in Home Life Magazine.  He speaks of the ultimate authority God has with us.  Yet He does not make us conform to His wishes.  He  shares His power, letting us make our own decisions, many times wrong decisions.  But we learn from our mistakes. What a role model God is! 

Home life can be a war zone.  Some of the conflict in relationships could be titled as normal relationship differences. Some of the conflict might be from a rebellious nature.  But when parents mismanage their authority and "sharing power", the consequences can create problems that last a life time for the child. Mr. Lucas says if parents exercise authority without sharing power, they create rebellion, unnecessary  conflicts and more dependance on peers. With this being said,  there must be authority to guide, council and correct when needed. Children are a heavenly gift and we will be held accountable for their young years and how we guide them to maturity. With Mr. Lucas' permission, I have  listed his  *Six  Ways To Become A Master Parent."  Please consider these pointers as you work to make the most of the years you have with your little ones or as you make amends for some things left undone with older children.

•  Have the Right Attitude About Power.  You can use power as a goal ("I'm the parent, and you're not"), or better, as a tool ("Here are some ways to do that well and avoid mistakes.") You  can use power to dominate your children ("It's my way or the highway"), or better, to liberate your children ("Let's put controls on our Internet access so we won't pollute our souls.")
• Make Agreements in Advance.  It's  more effective and less traumatic to agree on what you want in advance than to dictate those things after the fact.  You say, "If you'll agree to put your clothes in the hamper and wash up afterward, you can play in the mud. OK?" Or, "You can take the car if you get it washed beforehand.OK?"  You are saying yes a lot, but always with conditions.  Violations don't bring a lecture - they bring the loss of the next time in the mud or with the car.
• Make Trades.  Bargaining works:  "I'll do that for you.  What will you do for me?"
• Agree on Consequences.  Make it clear in advance when certain actions will produce certain consequences. Jointly agree on those consequences.  You say, "If you take anyone home late after the game, you'll have to apologize to the parents in person and miss the next game.  Do you understand and agree to that?"
• Expand Options.  When your kids are young, offer as many options as appropriate for their age and maturity. "Green beans or carrots?" is more powerful than "Eat your vegetables."  "Trash out tonight or in the morning?" is much better than "Take the trash out now."  Expand options as children develop and show themselves able to handle power:  "Out until 11:30 or friends here until 12:30?"
• Use Authority to Enforce Power Sharing.  Insist that your children take the responsibility and accountability that go with power.  Younger children learn that, if they want the privileges of older children, they'll have to take on the same level of responsibility.  When your kids misuse power, enforce the consequences and refuse to bail them out or take over.  You make violations subject to repentance and restitution rather than apologies and empty promises.
  

 
Sharing power.  Children learning to make good decisions.  Praise for little decisions made can carry over to good self esteem and confidence as the child grows.  They  feel they are trusted to do the right thing.  What a good way to help a child to grow in the right direction!   Time and effort are never wasted when it spent on growing children.

                                            "How soon do we forget
                                             what elders used to know!
                                    That children should be carefully raised,
                                             Not left like weeds to grow."
                                                         Art Buck, artist

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*Check out these books by Mr. Lucas:

                                                1001 Ways To Connect With Your Kids

                                                ProActive Parenting

                                                The Parodox Principle of Parenting

On Parenting Parenting~The Leading Role Parenting~The Anger Factor Parenting~A Child's Question Kindling

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