I recently had a kindergarten teacher tell me a sad story.  She related a recent episode she had experienced with a student. The little boy would put his hands over his ears when the teacher spoke to him.  He refused to cooperate with anyone. He was the captain of his own little ship.

The 2004 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, reports that nearly 10% of kids ages 12 to 17  feel that no one loves them., that the world is a bad place, and that things won’t get better.  One way to express these feelings is through anger.

How could children ever feel unloved?  We like to think it is only  by parents that are mentally unstable, on drugs or involved in some sort of  evil practice.  But is that truly the case?  I think we would be truly surprised if we could read the thoughts of some of our young people.  As sad as it is, there are many children who don’t have the encouragement, help and support of parents. If home life is satisfying and the child is made to feel good about himself as a person, he can overcome many issues.  Praise is a wonderful way to encourage a child.  With all the discipline needed in a parental situation, praise should be an abundant ingredient thrown in constantly. 

To that I quickly add, the human touch, a pat on the shoulder, a hug is so important and works miracles to make a child feel loved and accepted.  Parents need to always, always keep the door of communication open.  Encourage your children to talk to you.  If they do it as young children, and they feel what they say is important to you, they will continue to feel safe to include you in issues as they grow older.

 

That the world is a bad place is true in many ways.  It’s easy to see how this could cause depression or anger, especially when a child hears about global warming, wars and rumors of wars, family conflict, missing children, etc.  Much of this is brought into our homes via the media.  We should question constantly what we allow into our home, even on news casts.  As good as it is to know global news, is it necessary in many cases.  Do we have to know about the slaughter of family that took place six states away.  What can we do about it?  Do our children have to know this? As parents, we are in charge of  the positive or negative atmosphere of our home life.

Hope is a beautiful word. G. K. Chesterton, an English writer wrote, “There is one thing which gives radiance to everything.  It is the idea of something around the corner.” In situations that seem dismal,  we all need to feel the answer is on the way. With hormones raging in youth, the daily battles they have to fight and adults seemingly having no answers, parents must be able to provide hope, even if it means spending time re-evaluating our own answers to life.

Experts say the above problem areas are a few of the things that  make angry youth.  As parents we have power to diffuse some areas.  We must help children to understand that events are outside themselves and can not be controlled.  What can be controlled is the emotions or anger that is brought about by events.   We can not change circumstances, but we can control how we react to them. If we can say, “I know how you feel,” they don’t feel alone. The empathy alone can sometimes diffuse angry feelings. However, it is important to help them understand that anger is an emotion that we all feel.  We have to learn how to acknowledge our feelings and then control our actions.

If a child becomes violent or destructive in the throws of anger, it has to be addressed. Walecia Konrad tells a story in an article written for Good Housekeeping.  She says that her son threw a remote across the room and broke one of her CDs.  As punishment, after he settled down, she asked him to take $10 out of his savings to replace her CD.  He didn’t throw remotes again.   She says as long as anger works, children will use it.

There is no way to place enough emphasis on the importance of role modeling.  It’s up to parents to lead by example Seeing how Mom and Dad handle anger leaves an impression on young lives.  We set good examples and wisely discipline now or we pay later.

Parents also have to watch for signs of anger leading to more serious problems.  A watchful eye can alert a parent  to when professional help is needed.

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