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Up Close and Personal
~~ Talking About Aging ~~
As we age we take with us all the things our life consisted of through the years. May L. Becker said it all when she said, " We grow neither better or worse as we get older, but more like ourselves." If we are a bitter or angry adult, those feelings will become more intense as we age. We may be able to hide our true self, (See That's Life for the poem Masks) but those feelings, in many cases, have a tendency to surface with age.
If we don't particulary like who we are now, hard work to change our life style, change our hearts, or change our minds. or maybe all three, will make us winner as we grow older.
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Gordon Livingston, M.D. says in his wonderful book, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, " One reason for our fear of aging is that those who have gone before us have, in general, set a poor example." In many cases we see unhappy, critical, self centered people, who have literally grown bitter with age and have nothing, they surmise, to give to society anymore. Could it be that Ms. Becker is right? Maybe a person's real self is easier to see with age.
So the question is, what kind of older person will we be? We can do some personal surveying on our attitudes, our prejudices, our goal and our dreams now. If we believe life has dealt us a bad blow, if we feel everyone else is better than we are, if we are in the process of giving up on life, giving up our dreams, we are headed for dismal, hard years as we age.
I love old books as much as new ones, maybe better. Ashley Montagu wrote a book back in 1988 called, Growing Young. In it she mentions child-like traits that will preserve youthfulness. (Some of these same traits are listed in Mrs. Helen Andelin's book, Fascinating Womanhood, teaching how child-like qualities make better marriages! I think these two women have found a secret that's worth checking out!) Look at some of the things Mrs. Montagu lists to help with aging:
Sense of wonder Creativity
Playfulness Sensitivity
Imagination Friendship
Joyfulness Honesty
Optimism Curiosity
Sense of humor Need to learn
Would you agree that it's easy to sum these characteristics up in the word, Attitude? And most of us would probably agree attitude comes from within. We determine our attitude. We have a tendency to blame others, circumstances or events for things that happen to us. But the key is our response to those things or people. Thomas Wood-Young from Wood Young Consulting Firm says, "There seem to be two kinds of people; those who take responsibility for their lives and those who blame others. People who take responsibility for their situations are positive people who see the world as a good place. They have made the conscious decision to be this way." They have taken control of their mental attitude.
About the only thing we can really control in our world is our attitude. That comes through training our mind. Tons of research says our mind is voice activated, with our own voice having the greatest influence on our lives. In other words, we have a built in tool to help us enjoy life and age gracefully. The words you say each day can change your life for better or worse. Tell yourself you are worn out, your mind will accomodate you. Tell yourself you are getting old, your mind will agree. Instead tell yourself you feel good, say it out loud. Tell yourself you love your life, your job, your husband, your home. Tell yourself life is good, that you are in the
 process of being all you ever wanted to be. Then make it happen! Our mind believes what we tell it! Don't believe me? Research it for yourself! I love a quote from the Italian film actress, Sophia Loren who said, "There is a fountation of youth: It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age."
Having elaborated on the subject of our mind set and the aging process, it's important to recognize that life gives some people greater challenges than others. Some have physical ailments to contend with through life. Others have mental debilitations. Wow be to us if we judge them! In my opinion, we each have a full time job working on our own attitudes and short comings. Our part is to be an example for others through what we learn, especially our children.We can show them how to age wisely. We can show them how to be a helping hand to someone who is down and out, not aging well. We are here to help each other along the way of life, all the while keeping our mind set refreshed with optimism and a passions for life, even down to the end.
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"One of the most important phases of maturing is that of growth from self-centering to an understanding relationship of others. A person is not mature until he has both the ability
and a willingness to see himself as one among others and to do unto those others as he would have them do to him."
Harry A. Overstreet
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