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ON MARRIAGE
Adultry, No Laughing Matter
A while back I came across an old Woman's Day magazine from 1997. I wondered what could be current in this magazine other than recipes. To my surprise, I found a wonderful, thought provoking article that is as current as today's newspaper. I contacted the writer, Barbara Bartocci, to see if I could use excerpts to, once again, put the spotlight on a problem that is made light of on any given day. With her permission I say, "Adultery Hurts, So let's stop laughing about it!"
How does a screen play writer, a book author, an entertainer of any kind ensure a hit? Many times it's with a sizzling triangle love plot, where a husband or wife is unfaithful to vows once spoken. Again I ask, "What is so funny about it?"
Ms. Bartocci speaks of a movie that played up this particular problem. "A long-divorced couple, reuniting at their daughter's wedding, find their hormones acting up, so they abandon their current spouses and run off for a quick, panting, lustful affair. Meanwhile, the bride falls for a photographer who is not her husband, while her brand-new spouse enjoys some quickie sex with his bride's stepmother."
Ms. Bartocci goes on to say, "This plot earned great reviews and an OK nod for teens to see."
There is nothing new about this scenerio as it plays out even more today, thirteen years later, everytime the tv is turned on, a movie ticket is sold or a new hot bestseller is opened. This is very similiar to ads that don't show broken homes, wayward kids and disgruntled men and women when alcohol or drugs become predominent in a family.
There is something we all have in common. We hurt. I believe one of the biggest hurts a human can experience is to have someone you trust betray your confidence in them. What is funny about that? We are all totally aware of the long-term damage that occurs when partners betray one another. Adultry creates incredible anguish, hardly something to be made light of, yet the scenerio continues in song, movie, book and in light-hearted jokes.
Unfortunately what gets our attention tells us a lot about our society. By romanticizing adultery, by using less harsh words such as "affair", it shows our values. As Ms. Bartocci writes, " People arrive at values through exposure to what their society accepts, and sociologists tell us that what people laugh at or yearn for will spark imitation and acceptance."
In real life adultery or 'extramarital affair' as it is called, is no laughing matter. It is not a victimless crime. In real life people hurt in these situations.
Honesty is important in any relationship, especially in a man/woman relationship where there have been vows exchanged. If you are headed in the direction of breaking a trust, think twice. The end of the scenerio will eventually show up. There will be hurt, there will be trust problems that can last a life time for you and your husband, as you try to move forward.
We can't take on producers of movies, tv shows, authors, musicians, but we can make a choice not to buy products, sit and watch or be entertained by things that make people hurt. It's a 'value' choice we have to make for our self, and even more so, for young children who sees what entertains us. They are watching what we accept as o.k.
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"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on
I can't believe you."
Friedrich Nietzsche
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